You're such an excellent writer Jessica. When you write from the heart like this it resonates such beauty and sadness. I too mourn the future. It's pretty clear now that nothing is going to save us from the collapse that's already started. That retirement vision is increasingly becoming a fantasy. Something for you to think about, I read a peace in The Guardian a few days ago talking about how increasingly there are more and more young people with eco dread / depression. The health professionals were suggesting that these people take positive steps for the environment like riding bikes. I felt anger. Anger because once again the victims are being given the responsibility to somehow fix this mess, which we all know will amount to nothing. It's victim blaming. The billionaires and powerful governments, the ones who actually have a chance of turning this around are doing very little and infact benefit from the status quo.