Beautiful, creative and painfully honest writing Indi. I think you're my favourite writer on Medium. Happy birthday! I am 45 and much of what you write is resonating strongly with me. Experiencing life these days feels like I'm watching a TV series, and I think it's a black comedy. Most of the players are aware of their likely fate, at least subconsciously, but are unable to imagine a different future and the steps required to get there, so they just play along with the song, hoping it never ends but all the while waiting for the inevitable last notes. To quote the famous Australian bush ranger Ned Kelly, "such is life".